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Most likely you own a car. If you do, no doubt you change the oil every three to four months or so. Of course, your car needs maintenance. It should be just as obvious that marriages need maintenance. However, in view of the epidemic of divorce in our society, it’s pretty clear that maintenance of marriages is often neglected. This is a shame, because there are a lot of marriage counseling books on the shelf to help you improve your marriage. For a little time and not much money, you can make an investment that will pay huge dividends in your relationship. This is an easy, practical step you can take to prevent your marriage from ending up on the rocks.

As far as marriage counseling books are concerned, it’s not necessary to go with the latest fad. There are a number of classics that are just as valuable today as when they were first written. After all, the issues that today’s marriages face are essentially the same as those faced by Adam and Eve: love, respect, finance, raising children, and so on.

One of my favorite books about marriage counseling is called “His Needs, Her Needs,” by Willard F. Harley, Jr. Dr. Harley (a psychologist) bases his approach on a consideration of the different needs of husband and wife. Since the needs of the man and the woman are so different, it’s often the case that one spouse isn’t even aware that he/she is not meeting the other’s needs. For men, Dr. Harley’s number one need is sex (no surprise there). For women, number one on the list is affection, which is often hard for men to deliver. Ultimately, Dr. Harley’s message is an encouragement for husband and wife to make loving concessions to accommodate for each other’s differing needs.

Another good book is “Getting the Love You Want,” by Harville Hendrix, who is a practicing therapist. Dr. Hendrix himself is divorced, so he is personally acquainted with the pain of a failed marriage. His empathy and understanding shows in his writing. Dr. Hendrix takes the approach that we are attracted to our mates for unconscious reasons that we really don’t understand. He summarizes these motivations in two statements. First, we are attracted to people who have both the positive and negative traits of those who raised us. Second, we are attracted to people who compensate for things we were deprived of in childhood. In other words, we often enter into a marriage expecting our spouse to be a kind of “second-chance parent” who will make up for all the mistakes of the first.

Although I don’t agree totally with Dr. Hendrix, I did enjoy reading the many case histories he cites to support his arguments. One of these involves John, a dull businessman (in his own words), who fell head-over-heels for Cheryl because she was emotionally expressive. However, although this attracted John to Cheryl at first, very soon he became overwhelmed by her outbursts.

Whichever book you choose, I urge you not to avoid or put off consulting marriage counseling books. There is no relationship more precious than marriage, and it’s impossible to invest too much care into making it great.